How to Spin-Off

Tonight on AMC, along with the midseason premiere of The Walking Dead, Better Call Saul makes its debut in hopes of taking the greatly successful character of Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad and giving him his own hour-long show. Spin-off shows are a tricky business. Sometimes the result of a spinoff is a television staple from the last 35 years in the form of ‘The Simpsons’*, and sometimes you get Joey. The allure of Joey Tribbiani apparently wore out after spending a decade with his ‘Friends’ in New York.

*That’s right, ‘The Simpsons’ is actually a spinoff. They originated on ‘The Tracy Ullman’ as a short cartoon break. Eventually they got turned into a full half hour comedy and became the most financially lucrative show of all time. Here’s a video of what they used to look like back then: [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp4TBRawxSA&w=854&h=510]

So what is the key to making a good spin-off show? It may sound simple, but it really comes down to the writing. It’s easy to simply rely on the pre-established character, or characters, from the last vehicle they were attached to, but in order for a new show to be successful it has to stand on its own. To switch angles for a second, Marvel Studios does a really excellent job of doing just this. While their ultimate goal is to build towards ensemble movies (The Avengers, Avengers 2: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, etc.), that doesn’t mean they can just assume the audience is coming into the movie with all pre-existing knowledge of these characters in mind. In the first Avengers, it doesn’t take long for them to establish that Tony Stark likes to play by his own rules and Steve Rodgers is about planning and teamwork. Within a few lines of dialogue exchanged between the two, we see these character traits on display and it is clear that their personalities will clash going forward. We could have made this assumption just from seeing their individual movies, but to take a few seconds to establish character in the world of The Avengers is important for that specific film.

In the realm of television, you have more time to get to this point, but the same principal is in play. One of my favorite, and most successful, spin-off shows is Frasier. Frasier Crane first appeared in the season 3 premier of Cheers as a local Boston psychiatrist who started dating Diane Chambers, the female lead of the show. Only a guest-starring role at the time, Kelsey Grammer would go on to play the character for 20 consecutive years in primetime. In nine seasons on Cheers it was well-known that Frasier was quite pretentious and full of himself, but that he’d often cave to, and join in, the juvenile behavior of his other bar-mates.

So when the show of Frasier started, they didn’t take away everything that fun about Frasier Crane, but they changed what was around him. He moved across the country (Boston to Seattle), he got divorced from his wife Lilith, he got a new job as a radio host, and they surrounded him with strong characters for him to form new relationships with. So while the character was essentially the same as he was on Cheers, the new show felt and looked completely different.

That’s what Better Call Saul needs to strive for. They have the luxury of Breaking Bad never really exploring what made Saul Goodman tick as a person. Sure, we always knew that most of his actions were driven by greed, but we have no idea how he spent his personal life and how he got to be the man that he became. The key for BCS will be to not make it look or feel like a small scale version of Breaking Bad. It has to feel like its own story that we would have cared about without ever having seen the show that originated the character. Time will tell if Bob Odenkirk, and the show’s creators, are up to the task.

Some thoughts on what became of 'How I Met Your Mother'

When ‘How I Met Your Mother’ began, it was a very clever show. It quickly shook off the immediate ‘Friends’ comparisons because it had an overlying mystery of love looming over it that made people want to keep tuning in every week for clues as to this elusive Mother is. It was fun and it was something that had never been seen before in the sitcom world.

Also, in its early days, it struggled for viewership. When it went on hiatus during season four for the writers’ strike, the writers speculated about what their contingency plan would be if they were cancelled, (they jokingly said the mother would have been the coat check girl) which was a strong possibility at the time.

But then they started getting viewers, lots of them. With the help of reruns airing on cable and Netflix they actually gained viewers in its later years (which is extremely rare for any type of television show). Seeing that the show was really profitable now, CBS decided to keep extending it. This through off the writers’ original plan that the show would end with Ted meeting the Mother and there would be no more.

The popularity caused a major problem for this plan. With CBS renewing them one year at a time, they would have no way of knowing when the finale would be or how to lead up to it. With literally a hundred more episodes to fill than they would have expected, all of the sudden they needed to figure out a way to make new stories without diverging from their original plan, thus creating many, many filler episodes and plotlines that were really forced (I’m looking at you Zoe).

If they could do it over again, I think and hope they would have done it differently. They reached the point of no return about not introducing The Mother earlier in the series run and really handcuffed their ability to tell fresh stories.

****FINALE SPOILERS AHEAD. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FINALE AND DON’T WANT IT SPOILED, STOP READING NOW****

So why was the finale so abysmal in my opinion? They completely undercut the original story and cheated us, and Ted Mosby’s children, of the romantic story this show was originally built around. If you don’t remember, Ted Mosby used to be Mr. Romantic. This was supposed to be the story of a nice guy, who had great friends, just trying to find the love of his life. That’s the story that we were presented with, and that’s the story I wanted to see.

I didn’t want to see Barney have a dog as his wingman. Or Robin be unnecessarily mean to a coworker who liked her. I wanted to see Ted get the woman of dreams after many hardships and have his friends help get him to that place. Obviously any time a show gets stretched out for as long as ‘HIMYM’ did, the characters have to change, otherwise it will become stale. But after season 4 they really began to sell out on many gags and started going back to well far too often for some of the running jokes.

I still think ‘How I Met Your Mother’ was a very successful sitcom, but I’ll always wonder what could have been if this story had been told in the amount time (or altered to accommodate a longer life) that was originally intended.

10 Great Shows Lacking Viewership

Hello Something About TVers (that really rolls off the tongue). I was taking a look at some television ratings lately and, as usual, I was completely disappointed in the shows that get boatloads of viewers compared to much higher quality shows. So, here’s my list of some of the best shows currently on the air that struggle for viewership while Two and a Half Men is still running rampant:

1. Justified (FX)

I can’t recommend Justified nearly enough and for anyone looking to replace their Breaking Bad fix, this is the show you want. Currently on its fifth season, it’s the story of Raylan Givens (played by Timothy Olyphant), a U.S. Marshall who is as much sarcastic as he is a badass. The story begins when he gets relocated back to his home town of Harlan County where most of the citizens have grown accustomed to minimal interference with lawmakers. It’s also home to Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins) who is the constant foil to Raylan and is known for using every word in the dictionary. Boyd really separates Justified from other dramas because we get to follow the side story of him building his crime empire with stories that are interspersed with Raylan.

2. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (FOX)

Nine-Nine has really excelled in its first season and has avoided any really bad episodes. Led by Andy Samberg, Terry Crews, and Andre Bruagher, the show has a fantastic cast with a lots of actors who know their way around a joke. Taking place in a police station sets up for some hilarious storylines as they are constantly taking serious police stories and telling them from a more comedic angle. The ratings have been rough but critical praise should get it a second season at this point. There’s going to be a new episode following the Super Bowl and post-Bowl episodes of shows tend to have an easy to follow storyline for new viewers if you want to hop on the train.

3. Parenthood (NBC)

I can’t praise Parenthood enough for showing so simple things that families go through. It follows the story of the Bravermans (Bravermen?), 4 adult siblings that all have families of their own with different types of dynamics. It’s loosely based off the Steve Martin film by the same name and was adapted for television by Jason Katims, the same guy who did Friday Night Lights. Currently in its fifth season, it’s become a staple that you’re in for a good cry at least once per episode.

4. Parks and Recreation/Community (NBC)

At first glance you may be wondering why I included these two, especially considering all the memes that circulate on imgur from the shows, but year after year these shows are on the bubble of being cancelled. In fact, both shows combined don’t even equate to half the number of viewers Big Bang Theory gets. Both shows are getting up there in age but unlike many sitcoms they can still churn out fresh stories and bring big laughs when done right. Not to mention that the return of Dan Harmon has really invigorated Community in its current season.

5. The Americans (FX)

If you’re looking for a good spy thriller this is the show for you. The only thing is you find yourself rooting for KGB during the Cold War. It follows the lives Elizabeth (Kerri Russell) and Phillip (Matthew Rhys) who appear to be your average American family with two kids, but are instead cold hard Russian killers who have infiltrated the US to get information on what America is planning. As an added obstacle, their new neighbor coincidentally is an FBI agent (Noah Emmerich) who gives perspective on the other side of the story. The show really struggled for viewers in its first season but was able to scratch out a second season which premieres Feb 26.

6. Girls (HBO)

Created by and starring Lena Dunham, this is probably the most controversial show on the list as it really polarizes people who watch it. While I can’t argue with people who don’t like it, I do find it a very interesting watch. It essentially follows the lives of four 20-something girls who try to make it in New York. The problem is that for the most part they’re pretty terrible people who are in no way aware of their pretentiousness. All I can say here is give it a chance for a few episodes but if it isn’t for you then it isn’t for you.

7. Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

I’m actually not sure if this show doesn’t get many viewers because Netflix doesn’t release that information. However, most of the buzz around Netflix originals circles around House of Cards and season 4 of Arrested Development and OITNB is even better than those two. It’s dark, depressing, heart-warming, and at times hilarious as it gives us a look inside a women’s prison. It’s done an absolutely fantastic job of building strong characters and making us feel connected in some way to all of them.

8. Game of Thrones (HBO)

What!? Everyone watches this show! Yeah everyone does watch it but that’s because it’s the most pirated show on television. It still gets high ratings but that’s not nearly as representative as what it could get. I don’t want to get up too high on a soap box but this show is ridiculously expensive to produce, between a huge cast and greatly detailed wardrobes and environments. I know it’s hard to justify doling the money out but if you enjoy something of high quality, and want it to stay that way, then it may be something to consider.

9. Cougar Town (TBS)

Everyone wrote this show off based off the title (in fact that’s becoming a running meta joke on the show) but don’t let that sway you away from watching it. Created by Bill Lawrence and starring Courtney Cox, there are constantly guest stars showing up from Scrubs and Friends. ABC actually cancelled the show but TBS decided to save it (unfortunately they couldn’t do the same for Happy Endings, RIP) and its’ maintained the same level of laughs since switching networks. If you start from the beginning, the show doesn’t find itself until halfway through the first season but it doesn’t look back after that. Also, Penny Can!

10. Mad Men (AMC)

Ah, the best for last. Now that Breaking Bad is off the air I consider Mad Men to be the best drama on television, heck before Bad’s final eight episodes I could argue they rivaled for that spot. With one season remaining (Broken into two parts like the last season of Breaking Bad) it still remains the best written show on television and Don Draper (Jon Hamm) is still the man you love to hate. For those unfamiliar with the story, it follows the advertisement world in the 1960’s and the lives of the men and women who work within that world. Between Draper, Pete Campbell, Peggy Olsen, and Roger Sterling it may have the most well developed cast of characters on television.

Honorable mentions to Hannibal, Trophy Wife, and Portlandia which could have easily made the list. Any shows I left off? Let me know in that comment section below.

Cougar Town: ‘Like a Diamond’

As an unabashed Friends fan, these cameos of Courtney Cox’s former cast mates put the nostalgia part of my brain into overdrive. ‘Like a Diamond’ was no different as Matthew Perry becomes the fourth member of the old gang to appear on the show. Although my bias wooed me over to smile at every interaction Perry and Cox were having, the rest of the episode around it wasn’t one of the best we’ve seen out of the Cul-de-sac Crew.

Don’t get me wrong, consider it’s in the fifth season Cougar Town is still churning out fantastic jokes for the characters that they haven’t had to alter much since season one. However, I feel like we’ve seen variations of these stories over and over again. I mean there are only so many ways you put a twist on an Ellie/Laurie fight where they both eventually come out of it respecting the other a little bit more. Not to mention the countless times we’ve seen the child-like wonder and hope of Bobby questioned by another member of the group, only to see a “miracle” come through at the end which lead them all to believe “hey maybe I should chill out and be a little more like Bobby.”

But since these are only qualms with the storytelling aspect of the show I’m not too worried. What I would like to see going forward is more experimental episodes in the vein of what Community does. Considering the characters are so well established I think an episode or two like that would help shake things up for the better and I’m willing to bet the cast and writing staff would be game for something like a spoof of American Hustle.

In terms of this particular episode, I’m glad they didn’t go too meta with the Sam/Jules, Chandler/Monica dynamic, but it was really fun to see the two actors interacting on screen again (not counting Courtney Cox guesting on Go On last year). Also, I still say Matthew Perry is the best television actor for delivering a sarcastic line: “I’ve been sitting here for about four hours. You don’t work much do you?”

Other moments of note:

• The opening credits tag this week was “Cougar Town: Now with more Friends”
• I’m always a fan of doppelganger stories, especially if it involves Busy Phillips doing a weird Southern accent and saying things like “Bite me, little eyes.”
• “I like wine. Oh, and I also sell real estate.” - Jules
• Laurie was born and conceived in a Jacuzzi and has been medically dead four times.
• “I’m in really good shape!” -Grayson … “Okay, I’ll try to spread the word.” - Sam
• “Grayson, Monica.” – Perry addressing Grayson and Jules in an outtake. 

New Girl: ‘Basketsball’

After last week’s flash-back, character development heavy episode, I’m glad that New Girl came back with a very sitcom-y half hour filled with a bunch of silly premises and one liners that make this show so much fun to watch.

The main story revolved around Jess trying to get Coach(*) to start viewing her as his friend as opposed to his “buddies girlfriend.” The interactions with Jess and Coach were fun for a while but, like most New Girl plots, Nick came out of this one with the most to do. As a Bulls fan I’m sure I got an above average amount of glee from hearing him describe Coach’s Piston fandom compared to the Bulls: “His teams the Pistons. I mean they were great in the 80’s, but then we got Jordan. Then they started getting good, then we Thibodeau, whatcha’ you going do now?”

 (*) As far as I’m aware of, Damon Wayans Jr. has still only signed on as a guest star for the rest of season, but I’m not sure why the show would go to trouble of making it seem like Coach was in this for the long haul if he is just going to be gone in a few episodes anyway.

Eventually the story becomes primarily about how Jess and Nick become locked in a battle for who will turn the “sex tap” back on first which would have been a fine story on its own and I’m not sure exactly why it became shoehorned into this one. But all’s well that ends well as Coach and Jess become best buds and hopefully this leads to more Coach-centric stories going forward.

Over on the Schmidt side of things, he’s tasked with having two people shadow him for a day on the job, one being Winston and the other is Ed, an elderly gentleman the company hired to avoid an ageism lawsuit. I liked seeing Schmidt, Winston, and Nick (albeit unknowingly) teaming up to best Ed, but I’ve yet to see a story involving Schmidt’s office that I’ve liked so far. The biggest revelation here is that Cece convinces Winston he should be a cop, making it two straight weeks where she has settled someone’s career path.

Other moments of note:

• Does Schmidt still live in the other apartment? I think he does and I feel like the show is missing out on an opportunity to do some kind of “apartment wars” bit. Although, it’s possible he may have moved into Jess’ room since her and Nick are an item now.
• Chalk up another great Jake Johnson facial expression, this time it was the look of disgust on his face from seeing Jess in a Pistons t-shirt.
• “Michael Jordan is the first person who taught me I can love another man.” - Nick
• “There is too much going on in whatever metaphor you’re trying.” – Cece trying to decipher Schmidt’s ramblings.
• “Once your screen breaks, your information is all out there in the Twitterverse.” – Nick
•  “I’ve never seen a baby pigeon before.” Me neither Coach, me neither.

How I Met Your Mother: ‘Slapsgiving 3: Slappapointment in Slapmarra’

Picture of Segel regretting signing on for a ninth season.

There were more than a few slaps going around in ‘Slapsgiving 3: Slappapointment in Slapmarra.’ Unfortunately, though, several of them were inflicted on myself as the front of my hand kept finding itself raising up towards my eyes and covering them in a facepalm-esque manner. This was a truly painful episode to watch, from a complete lack of plot and character usage to utter lack of execution of a gag that once had so much promise.

As far as the latter goes, I’m really disappointed by the way the writers have gone about Marshall giving the slaps ever since the third one. What made the first slap so great was this ridiculous premise of making a bet that kept escalating until it ended with Barney taking his first slap of five that could be dealt out any place, at any time. My personal favorite was the second slap because it was so unexpected, and deserving, and set the table for what I thought the future slaps will be like.

After the first “Slapsgiving” the gag started seeing diminishing returns, especially since they tried to make every one a spectacle and base an entire episode around it. As cool as it was to see Boyz II Men perform a cover of ‘You Just Got Slapped’ I thought the whole buildup was far too childish to be funny and I wish they had stuck to the original premise where Marshall would catch Barney, and the viewer, off guard. Maybe they can salvage the final slap by making it be a flash-forward where Marshall has built an elaborate “slap room” with his hand prints painted on the wall. With lights flickering Barney wakes up not knowing where he is, shaking and traumatized. Finally, Marshall appears behind him, slowly creeping up to him as the light bounces from his face to Barney’s. He raises up and one final the slap of justice comes down upon Barney’s face. Or, ya know, something like that.

But seriously, last season I would always post in my “other moments of note” section that “at least Barney didn’t have a dog as his wingman,” a point I considered an all-time low for the series. While parts of this episode, like a tree slapping Marshall, came close to this, it was able to avoid the complete stinker label. Hopefully, although I highly doubt it, this will be the last awful episode of the season.

Other moments of note:

• Was it just me or is Jason Segel looking really skinny?
• When was the last time we saw Carl the bartender? I feel like it’s been a while.
• At least Barney didn’t have a dog as his wingman. 

2014 Golden Globes Live Blog

Once again Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting the award show with the globes that are golden, ensuring that NBC will get at least a few more viewers who appreciate good comedy will watch. As always, the nominees for most of the larger categories are ridiculous (I’m looking at you Liev Schreiber for Ray Donovan) but hopefully at least a few deserving nominees will come away with the award. And if they don’t? Well I’ll just rant about it here.

The monologue begins with a greeting of “good evening to all the women and gay men watching at home.” I’ll try to hit on some of the best jokes. Tam Hunks is here as Amy apparently knew she was going to mess up on that difficult name to remember and pronounce. Tina speaking to Matt Damon: “Matt on every other night, in any other room, you would be a big deal, but tonight you’re just a garbage person.” ‘Explosion at the Wig Factory’ was the original title for American Hustle. Amy Poehler asks the cameras to get a shot of Amy Poehler and they cut to Jennifer Lawrence who has a good laugh about it. Tina describes Gravity as: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then send one more moment with a woman his own age.” Poehler should make impersonating Scarlett Johansson her job as she tries to convince Tina that she was the voice of the computer in Her. Tom Hanks is still wearing his prosthetic genitals he got from Saving Mr. Banks.

Sandra Bullock and Tam Hunks present the first award of the evening for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture. In what comes as little surprise, Jennifer Lawrence comes away with the award for American Hustle and immediately thanks director David O. Russell for making her career what it is. As always she comes across as sweet and humble and yadda, yadda, yadda we all love her.

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis present the second award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television and Jacqueline Bisset for Dancing on the Edge. She appears to be genuinely shocked, possibly drunk, as she accept the award. The music does its best to play her off but she Jacqueline isn’t having it. After a bit of swearing she finally gets around to thanking her friends and family. Unfortunately she probably just cost Tina and Amy a couple of jokes to fit the time constraint but wow that was something to watch. 

Next up in the “no surprise whatsoever category” is Behind the Candelabra winning for Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Yay? Getting another of the mini-series awards out of the way, Elizabeth Moss wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television for Top of the Lake. I haven’t seen TOL yet but I’m just going to go ahead and view this as a win for Peggy.

Fey and Poehler are back out and thanking the Associated Press for putting the whole event together, along with a bunch of ridiculously hard to pronounce names from the Foreign Press. Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie are out to introduce The Wolf of Wall Street but they’re accidentally given the wrong teleprompter lines, Margot adorably doesn’t want to improvise so someone is nice enough to bring out a paper with the right words on it. Aaron Eckhart and Paula Patton (wearing a comforter?) are out to give the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Drama. The award appropriately goes to Bryan Cranston for Breaking Bad. Heisenberg getting his damn recognition! Get back on up there Cranston, Breaking Bad wins for Best Television Drama and all remains right in the world. Actually, I can’t complain about any of the award selections so far.

Philomena is a real person? Did not know that. Kate Beckinsdale, P-Diddy and Usher are out to present Best Original Score for a Motion Picture with the winner being Alex Ebert and his hair for All is Lost. Haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m happy for Roger’s son. Best Original Song for a Motion Picture goes to ‘Ordinary Love’ for Mandela. Great, all Bono needs is something else to pump up his ego…

Amber Heard and the interchangeable Chicago Fire hunks are out to present Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Jon Voight unfortunately comes away with the award for Ray Donovan. Not a fan of Voight and very much not a fan of Donovan but hey they can’t get all the awards right…oh wait they can? Well, that’s a bummer. Robert Downey Jr. arrives to join the fun and he announces that no matter what name he calls from this envelope, he’ll leave tonight as a winner. Amy Adams very deservingly wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy for American Hustle. Such a fantastic movie and role, glad Amy got her due and that her daughter was able to teach her basic human emotions.

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick the Entertainer are the next presenters. Does Kevin Bacon have to do a six degrees joke every time he’s out in public now? Their daughter Sophie Bacon joins them and Tina Fey has brought her adult son Randy along too. Randy, played by Poehler, hilariously asks if Idris Elba is his real Dad. Robin Wright wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama for House of Cards. She calls the Foreign Press a gaggle of characters and references Merrit Weaver’s great speech before heading off stage. Jim Carrey comes out and gives Shia LaBeouf a jab by making a plagiarism joke. After a clip of American Hustle Christoph Waltz is out to present the Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture and it goes to Jared Leto for his very transformative role in Dallas Buyers Club. If it’s body changing that is swaying the voters this year then that bodes well for Christian Bale and Matthew McConaghey.

Emma Thompson, who can probably do no wrong, comes out holding her heels and a glass of wine to present the award for Best Screenplay. Spike Jonze wins for Her; I want to see this movie so very bad. Julie Bowen and Seth Myers are out to present the award for Best Actor in a Comedy Series with the award going to Andy Samberg. I’m genuinely shocked but really happy Brooklyn Nine-Nine is getting some recognition. Hopefully this will all but assuredly lock the show into getting picked up for a second season.

Right out of commercial we get the winner for Best Foreign Language Film and The Great Beauty wins. The director pretty much does part two of the bit where Tina and my start listing off a bunch of insanely difficult names to pronounce. Poehler and Fey come back out to point out that Julia Louise Dreyfus has returned to the television section, now eating a hot dog. Melissa McCarthy and Jimmy Fallon are the next presenters, unfortunately a sandbag fell on Melissa’s head and she now thinks she’s Matt Damon. Michael Douglass wins Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series for Television or Something Like That for Behind the Candelabra. Congrats Douglass, but we don’t need the “cool guy pointing out hi other cool guy buddies” thing in your acceptance speech. You’re not a middle-schooler who just won for class treasurer.  


The award for Best Animated Feature Film and Frozen takes home the glory. Emilia Clarke and Chris O’Donnell are presenting the award for Best Actress in a Comedy and finally, FINALLY!, Amy Poehler wins for Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation. So long overdue, so happy for her. Hopefully the Emmys learn something from this and recognize her performance this year as well.

Emma Stone, who will be in Woody Allen’s next film, comes out to introduce the clips from Woody Allen’s 74 movies. Diane Keaton appropriately takes the stage to accept the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award for Woody. She gives a great Woody quote about how art can only truly measured by how impactful it is in the moment. Verging on the edge of creepy territory she sings a song about how she and Woody are friends forever, but she clearly had good intentions and did well by Allen.

Ben Affleck, last year’s winner for Best Director, is out to present the award to Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity.  It’s tough to argue this one as the directing had to be spot on for such an image-driven film. Gravity wasn’t the best movie of the year but Cuaron deserves the win for putting the spectacle together. Also, thanks to Sandra Bullock for not quitting the film after he threatened to give her herpes. "Michael Bay described our next presenters as... oh, um, sorry, can't do this." -Tina Fey. Chris Evans and Uma Thurman are next out of the gate, Best Comedy Series goes to Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Wow did anyone see this coming? If this doesn’t guarantee a second season I don’t know what will.

Two-time Golden Globe winner Jennifer Lawrence get to present the award for Best Actor in a Comedy and it goes to Leonardo DiCaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street. He pokes fun at the fact that he, and other very serious actors, are nominated in the “comedy” category because let’s face it, the Globes do it just so they can get more people to come to their little party. In related news, Leo still doesn’t have that Oscar.

Chris Hemsworth and some old racing dude (Nicky Lauda) take the stage to present a clip of Rush. Following them, Drew Barrymore comes out in her finest Easter dress to present the award for Best “Comedy” or Musical Motion Picture. The Golden Globe goes to American Hustle. I spoke earlier when Adams won for best supporting actress but this movie was easily my favorite of the year and it was certainly worthy of the win.

With 16 minutes remaining before 11:00, it’s looking like we’re going to be over on time. Leonardo returns to the stage to give Cate Blanchett the award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama for her role in Blue Jasmine. Cate thought the Magic Castle was weird compared to this, good thing she didn’t let Tobias Funke take her there. Jessica Chastain gets to give out the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Drama Series and McConaughey is going home a winner. Those Foreign Press guys love their weight-loss AIDS movies. Always fun to hear McConaughey do a Matthew McConaughey impersonation. And apparently he does a Borat “my wife” impression too.

The final award for the night is of course Best Motion Picture – Drama. Johnny Depp gets the honors to deliver the coveted award that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll win Best Picture at the Academy Awards but is usually a pretty good indicator. In a tone that suggests he’d rather be watching a documentary about how paper plates are made, Depp announces the winner is 12 Years a Slave, which would also be my choice and prediction for The Oscars. It’s got everything you’d expect out of a “best picture” and it was brilliant to watch s no complaints here.

All-in-all I thought it was a much better than average Golden Globes. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler crushed it in the monologue and probably the biggest qualm I can gather is that there wasn’t more of them throughout the show. As far as the awards themselves go there were certainly a few that weren’t perfect but hey, at least Liev didn’t win for playing Ray. They finished on time and with the end of the show comes the end of my live-blog, thanks for reading it everyone! 

Community: ‘Basic Intergluteal Numismatics’

I think it’s fair to officially proclaim the return of Community. Sure it may never be back to its glory days of early seasons, but for a comedy that is five years in, episodes like ‘Basic Inergluteal Numismatics’ don’t deviate far from the mean.

It didn’t take long into return of Harmon for him to dip into his bread and butter of homages. The high concept episodes work so well in this world, and with this cast, that even something like a very serious investigation of a murder can be flipped into something goofy like the Ass Crack Bandit. The closest one movie/show I can relate this episode to would be Zodiac, especially based off the ending, but it definitely had the feel of drawing from multiple similar sources.

I thought this episode was an especially good showcase for Jim Rash as Dean Pelton. The bit where he kept snapping his fingers at his secretary to “trace the call” while she just stood there staring at him was brilliant. His desperate solution to figure out the murderer: “Abed you’re special, can’t you just stand at the scene of the crime and see what happened?” Also, his interactions with Hickey made for a great dynamic, first when he asked him if he had anything and Hickey simply replies “heartburn”; and then when he tests out his creepy plan of having Chang wear a backwards ass costume and justifies it by saying the butt was free Hickey chimes in with: “I think you just admitted you already owned a fake butt.”

If the last two episodes are any indication it looks like season five will have much more focus on some of the teachers at Greendale. John Oliver made his triumphant, and long overdue, return as Professor Duncan and the fantastic Ben Folds guest starred as the Biology teacher trying to hide his marijuana plant. Not to mention that Jonathan Banks is seemingly sliding into the Chevy Chase role now that Pierce has officially been killed off. As far as that goes, it was obviously an ugly divorce between Chase and the show but at least they were able to work something out so he could appear in the first episode of this season and gave his character a somewhat dignified standoff.

Other moments of note:

• The “Ass Crack Bandit” made it a week of bandits on sitcoms this week since Andy Samberg was dealing with the Porsche Bandit played by Craig Robinson over on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
• “He should be called the run-on sentence bandit.” – Shirley after hearing the Bandit’s note.
• “I am the bringer of change. I am the filler of cracks.” – ACB
• Starburns lives! After his good friend Dan Harmon was fired from the show, Dino Stamatopoulos decided that they were a packaged deal and wouldn’t come back without. He’s such a weird character though and of course he has been living in the stables trying to build a cat car. Welcome back Starbu- I mean Alex.
• Speaking of Starburns, the Dean keeping him locked up in an actual cage in the middle of his “we caught the Ass Crack Bandit dance” was probably my favorite part of the episode.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: ‘Pontiac Bandit’

It’s been a very strong freshman season for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. At its core, it’s a workplace comedy which we’ve seen hundreds of times over, but the fact that it takes place in the police world brings so many fresh flavors. Any “serious” plot from a crime show or cop procedural that have taken place countless times over the years can be flipped into the whacky world where The Nine-Nine chase around crazy characters and it fits.

For instance, what may have been an arc about a cop who has been trying to find a criminal that they have been chasing for years, turns into a fun story about how Jake Peralta can never locate this allusive Pontiac Bandit he’s been searching for. In addition to the promising plot, Craig Robinson guest stars as said bandit and is immediately a welcome addition to the cast. Every scene he was in, he played off really well with Andy Samberg and Stephanie Beatriz and, thankfully, the writers wisely leave the door open for a return(s) from Doug Judy. Another great part of the story was the pairing of Peralta and Rosa and we got a sense of their backstory with the “1000 pushups” guarantee.

Back at the station, the rest of the ensemble was interwoven amongst two very enjoyable B and C stories. The catalyst was how the gang slowly began to turn on Boyle after he returned from his injury of being shot in the buttocks, the best gag coming out of it being when Terry was forced to literally pick him up and shake him so he Boyle could use the urinal. I also continue to find Gina’s sense of the world charming as she leaves a “Gone Leavin” sign on her desk; she’s essentially what the offspring of Tom Haverford and April Ludgate would be.

Andre Braugher continues to show that deadpan humor can be the funniest. Anything involving him trying to get others at the station to adopt the puppies was gold. And after finding out Gina was live-tweeting (an act he no longer approves of since Downton Abbey was spoiled for him) the unit hiding from Boyle, it was nice, albeit predictable, moment when he decided the puppies would be best for Boyle. An all-around strong episode and hopefully the show will close out its first season with more to come like this.

Other moments of note:

• “He’s stolen 230 that I know of. The real number could be in the millions.”…. “Do you need a math tutor? Because the department will provide one for you.” I will never grow tired of The Captain’s deadpan delivery in response to Peralta.
• “Why stop there? Why not tell her you’re an astronaut?” – Rosa … “Because space is scary!” – Doug Judy
• “This is my personal assistant, Mangy Carl.” – Doug telling his Mom who Peralta was to him.
• Doug Judy helps down on their luck white people.
• “What about choppas? You got choppas?” – Doug. Damn Robinson was on fire this episode.
• “Please get out of my way, I’m physically disabled.”  Robot voice on Boyle’s scooter

New Girl: ‘Clavado En Un Bar’

In its first episode back from the midseason break, New Girl delivered in a flash-back heavy episode which hit a perfect balance of laughs and sweetness. The premise is a simple one that almost every person deals with at some point in their life, at least several times: what do I want to be?

The specific dilemma put forth in front of Jess is to either remain a teacher, her dream job, for a vastly underfunded school, or to take a job at the Children’s Museum which would not only pay more but bring less stress to her life. Luckily for Jess Day, and us, she has several people in her life willing to chime in with their own suggestions and give her some insight into when they dealt with a similar scenario.

With a mere nineteen minutes before her friend calls to ask for a decision, Winston is first to explain the decision making process, or what turns out to be a lack-there-of in his case. After being gifted a basketball from birth, Winston’s whole life was centered on developing his basketball career. Clearly this was never the right path for him as he is the ninth man off the bench for the eighth best team in Latvia before getting traded to the outdoor, inclined league. This definitely gives us some insight as to why Winston is crazy person since he’s never actually made a real decision of his own.

Schmidt takes a stab at some advice next, and we find out his rise to douchiness started when he was a simple volunteer candy striper. The story is very Barney Stinson-esque since he sees a successful guy in a suit get the girl, thrusting him into the cutthroat world of marketing. His first stop is to the Christmas tree farm (cue ‘Gangsta Paradise’) where he meets his mentor Old Man McQue. McQue, unfortunately wasn’t in Schmidt’s life for long: “in the words of the late, great Sir Billy Joel: only the good die young.” But before he goes he does impart the wisdom of that “the reward is in the destination, not in the journey.” So Schmidt’s advice to Jess is to follow the money.

Coach is able to chime in with a quick tip of his own, to follow your passion. We find out how he first got his nickname of “Coach” and that his real name is Ernie.

The Nick story was a little more personal and did a great job of building the Nick/Jess relationship. Nick reveals how much he disliked law school until he found a great place to study, the very bar they find him tending today. Eventually he shows Jess that he actually ended passing the bar but he could tell that he would enjoy his life a lot more if he followed his true calling. On top of that, Cece recaps to Jess to Jess the first time they met and how Jess was able to “teach” her how to read even without her glasses. It was a great showcase for the girls who haven’t had much screen time together this season and it’s enough of persuasion to push Jess into making the decision to remain a teacher.

Not only a great premiere but also sets up some storied for the rest of the season. This gives Cece an opportunity to interact with Nick which has really yet to happen, assuming she ends up sticking around as a fellow bartender. Also, Winston decides to quit his job and to finally start making some decisions of his own, maybe we‘ll start getting some real Winston plotlines for once.

Other moments of note:

• Brian Posehn guest staring as the science teacher who has to share his classroom with Jess was hilarious. I could listen to awkwardly list anything, especially all the different types of people who are “anti-future”.
• “Sick people wanted me, dying people wanted to be me.” – Schmidt describing his time as a Candy Striper.
• “We had an ethnic, gay bully.” – Jess
• “We’re not the only ones looking for him. So is the FBI.” – Schmidt reading the information of Jess’ first student.
• “Lady she’s still got one minute!” – Coach accidentally yelling at a butt-dial from Jess’ Mom. Probably my favorite Coach line so far.
•  “I call it tea water.” – Nick on his concoction of putting a tea bag in water.

How I Met Your Mother: ‘Platonist’

 It’s entirely possible that the Bays and Thomas plan for this season was to set the bar so low at the onset of the never-ending wedding weekend so that they could put together episodes like ‘Platonist’ and the HIMYM faithful would praise it for returning to form. So I don’t want to praise this one too much based on what it’s being compared to but, by golly, that wasn’t half bad.

The episode opens in the drudgery of Farhampton where Robin is understandably grieving about her mother(*) not being able to make it to her wedding so Barney declares that it will be his mission to cheer her up and, as so often he does, accepts his own challenge. And while at this point I was very fearful that this would turn into another 23 minutes of stalling, it quickly turned into a complete flashback episode taking place 6 months prior to the wedding, giving us a much needed reminder of what this show used to be: an interesting premise about relationships with a moderate amount of jokes mixed in.

(*) I don’t see any scenario where her mother doesn’t end up before the end of the series, especially after the recurring joke that the rest of gang knows almost nothing about her.

The initial premise revolves around the idea that of whether anyone in the group is truly platonic friends with anyone else. Despite Ted’s best effort to insist that he and Robin are platonic, Barney explains how it wouldn’t even take him 20 minutes to get back with Robin if given the chance. In fact, Marshall and Robin are the only combination that would never happen and we see that Marshall would rather have MacLaren’s blow-up, with them inside of it, then have to kiss Robin. This theory gets Ted thinking and we spend a large portion of the episode him discussing his feeling on this Marshall. While I am completely over Ted/Robin storyline since we’ve known for eight years that they don’t ultimately get together, but it’s been a long time since we’ve had a Ted/Marshall hang-out and I really enjoyed the fact that they’re fans of the Washington Generals.

Meanwhile while Ted and Marshall were at the basketball game, Lily and Robin finally called Barney out on declaring challenges for himself that were relatively easy to accomplish. So in order to prove he could beat any challenge, he decides to marathon a bunch of them all in one night. As annoying as the first challenge was, picking up a girl while talking like a dolphin, it was fun to watch him try to accomplish them in a short period of time. And wisely they didn’t keep it a running theme throughout the episode as the girls quickly grew tired of it. Instead, Barney becomes the second member of the group (well technically first since chronologically he met her before Lily) to meet The Mother. Apparantly this mystery woman can solve the world’s problems with ease, which is a little ludicrous, but it was a nice moment that she became the first challenge Barney couldn’t complete and it resulted in him realizing how much he wanted Robin.

As always, the show needs to utilize more of The Mother. It’s not a coincidence that the best episodes of the season have occurred with her in them. I’d really like to see a full flash-forward episode with her just hanging out with the group after she’s been integrated in, it has the potential for a great dynamic. All in all this was a very positive step in the right direction and hopefully we’ll get more episodes like this going forward.

Other moments of note:

• This episode also brought the return of Bryan Cranston as Hammond Druthers. It’s impossible not to love Cranston but he was given absolutely no material to work with here, it’s a huge credit to him that it wasn’t cringe-inducing to watch his scenes thanks to ability to really sell a joke. However, I did love the continuity of him still having his baseball that Lily once tried to steal to teach him a lesson.
• “I can say with absolute certainty that Brussels sprouts are the comeback vegetate of a century.” – Ted panicking to come up with an excuse.
• “But then we can haunt the bar for eternity like we always planned.” – Marshall weighing the pros and cons of the bar blowing up.
• One more swipe of the blue French horn in hypothetical world. I’ve completely lost track of how many times that thing has shown up.

New Girl: ‘The Captain’

Schmidt acting as a human dental dam.

For an episode that leans much more towards sweet than it does hilarity, ‘The Captain’ accomplished a lot in terms of leveling things back out after a roller coaster first three episodes. This won’t go down as one of the funniest episodes of New Girl (although there were plenty of funny one-liners as usual), but there was a lot of great character work here that will shape the rest of the season to come.

For one, Nick Miller has feelings ladies and gentlemen, lots of feelings. Fantastic job here by Jake Johnson as we watched our lovable curmudgeon fight through countless years-worth of hate of and bitterness that have piled upon his life; emerging as a new man who loves where he finds himself and won’t let even the most diabolical of plans ruin this for him. Everything about the Jess/Nick relationship worked here and when you see such great onscreen chemistry between actors it’s a joy to watch. Nick is still going to be weird and disgruntled but maybe now he’ll start taking a more proactive approach to his life as we saw with him here standing up to Schmidt.

As for Schmidt, I’m really glad the show isn’t taking an easy route here and sweeping what he did under the rug. Sure it made for a funny plot watching him try to break-up Nick and Jess for revenge, but thankfully Jess calls him out for it at the end when he’s sitting there in his estrogen-induced stupor and wisely tells him that he has to deal with the fact that what he did was wrong. This could actually turn into a really compelling arc as we watch Schmidt try to recover from a personal low point. It’s tough to make a sitcom character do something morally reprehensible because a comedy functions on the audience rooting for and laughing along with a character which is tough to do when you hate them for their previous actions. But since they’re making us aware that Schmidt knows he was wrong and that the other characters are in no way condoning him I think New Girl can pull this off.

And this week in "What crazy thing is Winston up to?", we see him try to find a lover for his cat which apparently is here to stay as a fifth roommate in the loft. At least we did get a guest appearance from the very talented Riki Lindhome(*) but that wasn’t enough to save it. Ugh, they could have at least made Winston realize that the girl was into him and then he could have messed up the date in some other manor but nope, he’s just a lunatic with a cat now that has no feel for society. I’d say the writing staff is doing a disservice to this character but honestly I don’t have a suggestion for what they could do better here, he’s so far removed from every main storyline the show has ever done that you can’t even locate the rope to pull him back him.

(*) Who would have been a great add to the ensemble for 4 or 5 episodes as Winston’s new girlfriend but alas. If you’ve never listened to some her two woman band Garfunkel and Oates you’re missing out. Here’s their Youtube channel should it strike your fancy: http://www.youtube.com/user/rikilind?feature=watch

Other moments of note:

• Jake Johnsons’ deliver of “eat a banana” had me laughing for longer than I’m willing to admit.
• “I have to go move my car!” – Nick’s quick escape phrase.
• “How comfortable are you with racial slurs?” – Schmidt describing “the captain” to Jess.
• “That’s degrading to not only women but for all of mankind.” – Jess after performing “the captain.”
• “If we had to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings.” – Nick with a very fine point. 

How I Met Your Mother: ‘The Broken Code’

We’re 51 hours away from the wedding, and more importantly 51 hours away from putting this old dog of a show out of its misery. At this point we’re not doing good ol’ HIMYM any favors but letting it linger around, we’re selfishly keeping it by our side because we grew so fond of what it was in its prime and, despite better judgment, we’re hoping against hope that we can see one last trick, one last sparkle in its eye before it passes on. But the waiting is getting very, very painful.

The glaring problem is obviously the lack of Jason Segel. I’m assuming pat of his agreement to return for this final ninth season entailed an agreement that would allow for him to shoot movies, reminisce about Freaks and Geeks, or just try and detach his name as much as possible from this sinking ship of a show. But in the latter years here he’s often been the only source of laughter and it’s made the show that much worse to relegate to this awful road trip plot that absolutely no one asked for or wants to see. It would almost be better at this point if they didn’t give him any screen time until he can “arrive” at the wedding and just give us some more of ‘The Mother’ interacting with Ted in flash forwards.

What was especially annoying about ‘The Broken Code’ in particular is how rehashed both stories seemed. In the plot of Ted/Barney/Robin love triangle it’s literally been repeated time and time again and I’m not even sure if we’ve seen the last of it since it was alluded to early on that Ted went to visit Stella in Los Angeles to retrieve the missing locket. I just don’t understand what the writers think they can milk out of this. How many times can Ted come to the realization that Robin isn’t the right woman from him? And especially now that we have an actual visual image of ‘The Mother’ how do they expect to feel any real tension here? The whole thing comes off as total filler and a waste of time.

The other story involving Robin and her lack of female friends other than Lily was simply uninspired. We’ve seen lots of other sitcom characters and groups of friends talk about how very few friends they have outside of the main characters (which has more to do with actual practicality of keeping the cast small) so there was nothing new or groundbreaking here. The humor in Lily essentially being a crazy person which makes up for the Robin’s quantity of acquaintances was lost on me so we’ll just move on and chalk this up to a wasted episode as we head down the Mom stretch.

Other moments of note:

• Is Lily really one to critique Robin on her lack of other female friends? She’s not exactly a social butterfly either.
• Are they seriously going run this “thank you Linus” joke that far beneath the ground? Considering these episodes are taking place over several hours she has to be close to blacking out.
• Billy Zabka and Tim Gunn had fairly fun cameos at the poker table but I’m skeptical of the dubious ending which implies we haven’t seen the end of Zabka. Also, since when has the gang become so casual about running into celebrities like Tim Gunn? Ted doesn’t even bat an eye about him being there.
• I’m glad they kept the continuity of Marshall always winning at games, even in pillow form.

Breaking Bad: ‘Granite State’

“Remember what I told you? It’s not over until *coughing fit*” – Walt

Hard to watch for all the right reasons. Breaking Bad has transcended past a television show, it’s become an experience that hits you, and hits you hard. What separates it from so many similar shows/movies/books is that there are appropriate repercussions for every awful decision that these people make, even if they’re remorseful.

Jesse Pinkman is the model for this case of devastation, as he never had bigger aspirations than maybe buying his aunt’s house, all the weed he, Badger, and Skinny Pete can smoke, and maybe eventually find a nice girl to settle down with. But in order to accomplish this he cooked and sold meth and he killed a man along the way. Granted it was for his preservation, it was either Gale’s life or his and Walt’s, but it was a life he took away from this world and, unfortunately, no bad deed goes unnoticed. Jesse was sorry and he wanted out, especially after he witnessed Todd murder an innocent child for their cause, but in the world of Breaking Bad he doesn’t get off just because he’s regretful. He’s not innocent and so he gets what’s coming to him for the poor decisions he made in the past, which hurts both him, and us.

See, Vince Gilligan doesn’t let the viewers get off either. This is what we get for rooting for these guys. This is our punishment for cheering on Walt and Jesse as they profited off of the destruction of others. The depression for every character left standing is so great, and so intense, that it is boiling out of the screens and into our world. Because in our world there are repercussions too. You simply can’t run a meth empire and get away with it without losing a whole lot along the way.

The easy way out would have been if the Nazis just killed Jesse in the desert, moments after Hank was laid to waste. Instead we have to endure wade through the wallowing waters of the life that belongs to Jesse Pinkman, where rock bottom doesn’t seem to exist. Even in as late of a chapter that we find ourselves, there was still a glimmer of hope though when Jesse takes a page out of the book of Mr. White and MacGyvers his way out of Todd’s torture chamber. For a brief moment there escape and triumph in the world where it otherwise seemed so bleak. But again, there’s no escaping to any other life beyond death. Jesse can’t even make it over the fence before the neo-Nazis catch him and then force his to watch Todd execute possibly the most traumatizing murder we’ve seen to date on this show. That Opie, dead-eye monster kills Andrea, a rare truly innocent person on the show, and Jesse can do nothing but scream helplessly, just as Walt did before him when they started the shootout with Hank, and any minimal amount of hope he had left was squashed out.

And then there’s Walter White, the pinnacle of pathetic. A man who’s now almost unrecognizable after spending his last few dying months in the isolated mountains of New Hampshire. When he retreats there in hiding he literally has nothing left to do but count his money and wait out the rest of his dying days. This was the great Heisenberg(*), the man who once ran an international meth conglomerate that started from a simple RV. And now he’s nothing. From trying to pay a man $10,000 for a couple hours of his time to having his son demand that he just die, Walt is a shell so hollowed out that there’s no reason for him to going on like this. He makes a phone call to the DEA to turn himself in once and for all so maybe he can at least allow his family to get on with their lives. That is until Elliot and Gretchen Schwartz happen upon the television in his local bar.

(*) We do get one last look at the former legend when Walt makes an attempt to brave the weather and don the hat we’ve grown accustomed to associating with treachery. But in his fragile, cancer-riddled state Walt promises himself a “tomorrow” that doesn’t come for quite a while.

In an interview with Charlie Rose the Schwartz’s explain how Walter White had nothing to do with building their company other than being one half of the name of Gray Matters. Boy, if there was ever something someone could say that could cause Walter White to reignite his flame, it would be to say that he wasn’t important. We learned a long time ago that Walter White was in this game for more than money, he wanted to be revered. He wanted people to see him for the powerful genius he always knew he truly was, not as the hard luck chemistry teacher who barely has a dollar to his name (sadly this is the only man that Walt Jr. needed him to be). So now Walt knows he’s going out, let’s see how many people he deems worthy enough to take with him.

Other moments of note:

• This show always does such a fantastic job of creating characters and making them seem insanely interesting. There was no exception here with Saul’s “guy,” Ed, played by Robert Forster. Immediately we became invested in this guy as he sets up these new lives for Saul and Walt and I would totally watch a spin-off show where Ed has to make other criminals disappear off into the wild blue yonder.
• Speaking of spin-offs, it’s clear now why Better Call Saul is going to be a prequel. I’m guessing we won’t be seeing Saul next week as he’s off to run the Cinnabon in Nebraska but there’s still plenty of his story to tell on his next show. Heck maybe after season four they’ll flash-forward to present day and we can see him restart his life and buy his three pairs of Dockers.
• Jesse got his cook up to 96%? Walt really did teach him well. At least Todd was nice enough to reward him with some ice cream.
• Todd has become such a creepy villain. The scene where he intimidates Skyler in Holly’s room is truly terrifying and I can only hope he bites the bullet next week.
• I wonder how many times Walt has watched Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium by now…

What did everyone else think? Comments are always welcome.

Primetime Emmy Awards: 2013 (And Some Bears/Steelers) Live Blog

Ah there’s just too much on television tonight. Say what you will about how inaccurate it is for many shows/actors that deserve the awards, but I want to watch the Emmys because it is the culmination of a year of television which basically fuels me, and this blog, on a weekly basis. I also want to watch the Bears vs. Steelers game over on NBC. As a Bears fan living in Indianapolis I get to watch about 27.8% of their games every season so I hate to squander a chance, even if it’s against the lowly Steelers that they’ll probably lose embarrassingly to. Then of course there’s two dramas airing in the 9:00 slot that have certainly piqued my interest. Breaking Bad has its penultimate episode airing and of course it has to be watched in a timely manner to avoid internet spoilers. And finally but certainly least is Dexter which probably be pushed to the end of my night, if not tomorrow, but it is the end of a show that lasted eight years and it did have its moments over the years.

The Emmys and the Bears undoubtedly have the most “live” appeal since it sucks to watch a sports game after it’s happened and the Emmys are way more fun when you’re reading tweets about how happy/disappointed people are with the goings-on. So my thumb will be getting a lot of work hitting the ‘recall’ button between the two until at least 9:30. By then the anticipation of watching Breaking Bad will force me to break into the DVR and watch. At least by then enough will be recorded so I can fly through the commercials.

So I’m going to keep this pretty concise to the big categories and stray observations of the broadcast, plus the occasional Bears update as the game goes along. Oh and I’m sure I’ll miss more than couple noteworthy moments (especially after I check in on Walter White and the gang) but it is what it is, let’s watch the 2013 Primetime Emmy Awards.

The show kicks off with our host Neil Patrick Harris walking down a hallway talking about everything he’s sacrificing by hosting for a second time. He’s led into a room filled with monitors (Matrix style) where he takes on the envious task of trying to binge-watch an entire year of television. The shows characters are edited to appear as if they’re helping to coach Neil through this and give him some advice but the sketch falls very flat and seems very messy. The monologue isn’t much better as NPH plays it extremely safe with his jabs, I suppose I’ve grown accustom to more of a roast format here. Former hosts begin to come on stage, Jimmy Kimmel and Jane Lynch help Neil by talking him through this. They, of course, are followed by Jimmy Fallon and Conan O'Brien to complete the line of all the recent hosts. Conan explains how different the world was when he hosted: “people had storage and they didn’t even have to fight for it.” The camera pans out and we see Kevin Spacey break the fourth wall and talk to directly to us, the viewers, as he explains how this was all part of his plan. Finally, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler chime in with some commentary about the direction they’d like to see the show go. I’m pretty sure these two who can do no wrong at this point.

This segues into Fey and Poehler presenting the first award of the night, Outstanding supporting actress for a Comedy Series. And shockingly the award goes to Merrit Wever for Nurse Jackie, Modern Family didn’t win! Great acceptance speech: “Thank you so much. I gotta to go, bye.”

Switching over to NBC just in time to watch Carrie Underwood sing the Sunday Night Football song, haven’t missed anything from the game yet.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a comedy series goes to Tony Hale! Yes the Modern Family shake-up  has begun! Wow they’re playing Tony Hale off very quickly though, you’d think there’d be some extra time after Merrit literllay took 5 seconds for hers. I’ve never seen Veep but I love Tony Hale in everything he’s been in and he was very deserving of the award.

Channel change over to Bears game, they’re not losing!

Back over to the Emmys and out come Alec Baldwin and Jon Hamm who is looking amazing with a beard. For the record, I’d love to watch a show with these two. They present the award for best lead actress in a comedy series and it goes to Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. Well, at least the Modern Family Empire toppled down but the JLD monopoly keeps Poehler off the board for another year. Tony Hale hilariously goes up there with her after being played off by the music after he won.

Bears up 3-0 but ugh, they just gave up a 10 yard run to Felix Jones, could be a long night.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Jim Parsons. I have to say this seems like an “asterisk category” without Nick Offerman being nominated, but whatever. I’m not a fan of Big Bang Theory but you can’t blame that on Parsons, he really does carry that show.

Woah, Bears quickly up 10-0, Steelers must have had a turnover.

Matt Damon and Michael Douglas introduce Elton John who will be performing. Sorry Elton but I’m going to assume you rock it out there and switch back over to NBC for a few minutes. Bears are at the 5 yard line!? Holy cow they score here and it make my decisions of what to watch for the rest of the night much easier. They do, 1 yard touchdown run by Michael Bush. Scratch that, refs called him down at the two inch line, Tressman challenges. Bears lose the challenge and decide to go for it on fourth down. Bush gets in for 18^th time on this series, 17-0 Bears. Although as Matt Forte owner I really could have used him getting the score instead of Bush… okay so it’s hard to write about sports and make it sound exciting.

Back to Emmys, looks like Damon and Douglass (coming to CBS this fall) accepted an award from someone. Cool? Arg, both shows at commercial at the same time and BB started 7 minutes ago. Must. Be. Patient.

The cast of HIMYM give us a public service announcement about EHD (Excessive Hosting Disorder). Arsenio Hall as he has also been afflicted with this disease. Hah, we find out that NPH can get help at ‘The Ryan Seacrest Center for Excessive Hosting’, got to admit that was pretty funny.

Henry Bormell wins for best writing posthumously. Glad he got to win and that episode of Homeland he wrote (“Q&A”) was really fantastic, especially in a season of Homeland which was not at the top of its game. Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series goes to Anna Gunn, time for the Breaking Bad annihilation to begin.

Back over to the Bears, Pittsburgh is in the red zone which seems to be a recurring theme every time I switch channels. Roethlisberger makes a poor throw so the Steelers are forced to take the field goal. 17-3 Bears.

It’s about time Neil breaks into a musical number. The song takes a meta approach as the songs theme is about it being in the middle of the show as opposed to it being a typical opening musical number like always. Hey at least Nathan FIllion comes out to sing with him, but as much as I love Sarah Silverman I’m pretty disappointed that Felicia Day isn’t out there. Would have been a nice Doctor Horrible reunion. Oh and Outstanding Reality Competition goes to The Voice. Yup, don’t care.

Bears get a pick 6 from Major Wright. His Dad, Sergeant, must be so proud. 24-3 Bears.

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series goes to Bobby Canavalle. Wow what an upset,I guess I need to start watching Boardwalk Empire. I would have loved to see Jonathon Banks win though for the work he did on Breaking Bad… and apparently Canavalle’s married to Rose Byrne so he’s just piling it on these other nominees.

Crap, Roethlisberger to Antonio Brown for a Steelers touchdown. 24-10 Chicago and somehow I keep switching over just in time to watch every score.

Holy cow, Jeff Daniels wins for Best Actor in a Drama Series. Lots and lots of upsets this year but I can’t say I’m ecstatic about this one. If it’s not going to go to Cranston then can we at least give it to Jon Hamm? Otherwise AMC is going to keep splitting up this final season of Mad Men until he wins one. Speaking of Mad Men, Don Cheadle gives us a history of television in the 1960’s. Save it for Mathew Weiner, Emmys. 

Now Carrie Underwood is singing ‘Yesterday’ for some reason, big night for her on both channels I’m watching but this move doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series goes to Clare Danes. No surprise, move along everyone. Back to the Bears game. Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth are discussing how Jay Cutler was brought in to help interview who the Bears coach would be. And now it’s halftime. There’s some strange music set to themes of shows? Sorry I missed the introduction to whatever this is, I was over on the Bears game for a while and I think I’m going back. Of course during halftime of the game almost nothing happened on the Emmys... Approximately 40 minutes until I start Breaking Bad.

Outstanding Variety Series goes to The Colbert Report! It’s been a night of upsets and I’m really glad that Colbert finally gets his due. You have to figure that Jon Stewart taking off the whole summer has something to do with The Daily Show not winning for 138^th straight time but you can’t say this wasn’t a long time coming.

Haven’t checked in on the Bears in a while, they’re up to 27-13 with 5 minutes left in the third quarter. One more score by them and I don’t see any way this beleaguered Steelers team can put up enough points to win. Matt Forte got his ankle rolled over on the last play and has to limp to the sideline, that doesn’t bode well.

Time for the always sad In-Memoriam, although this year we got a few deaths covered early on in the broadcast making death a repeated theme throughout the evening. As usual we lost some great ones, but at least we still have Miley Cyrus.  

Wow Antonio Brown just made an absolutely amazing one-handed grab for a Steelers touchdown. 27-20 Bears but the Steelers have all the momentum. Urgh. On the bright side it looks like Matt Forte is fine.

Michael Douglass wins for his role in Behind the Candelabra. He makes a few gay puns and has a laugh with Matt Damon about them. We’re 10:59 and still have a ways to go here. Let’s go Emmys, I want to watch my show!

Will Ferrell brings his kids up to present the last awards for best Comedy and Drama. How does this man crack me up so easily? He comes up completely disheveled explain he just got a call from the Emmys 45 minutes ago that they needed him to come fill in for Maggie Smith. The award for Outstanding Comedy Series goes to Modern Family. There’s no justice that it won over Arrested Development, Parks and Recreation, Louie, New Girl, etc. but the Emmy voters love this show for some reason and that will never change.

Yes! Breaking Bad finally wins for best drama. I just fist-pumped for the first time tonight, including watching those Bears touchdowns. I think my favorite part of them winning was Louis C.K. gleefully cheering for them as they all stood up. Everyone loves this show (although the cast of Mad Men seems pretty disgruntled by it). Much deserved win, I’m assuming they’ll be back up there this time next year too.

So that wraps up the year in television (at least as far as the awards are concerned). We saw plenty of changes this year as the Modern Family finally stops getting rewarded for being uncreative (well for acting anyway). We saw plenty of new actors take home awards, including the greatest speech of all-time by Merrit Wever. We saw, as usual, terrible production tactics as the Emmys filled the show with countless minutes of fluff leading to acceptance speeches getting cut off at around the 30 second mark. And of course we saw all the actors do a wonderful job of acting like they actually wanted to be there. At the time of this posting the Bears are up 27-23 but the way this game is going it doesn't look good. Okay, Breaking Bad, I’ve been a very good and patient boy tonight and I’m very excited to view you now.

UPDATE: Bears up 40-23. So much for that worry.

What did everyone else think? Feel free to vent your qualms below.

Dads: ‘Pilot’

It’s easy to look at a show like Dads and attack it for its racist, sexist, and homophobic “jokes” along with choppy plot and a general un-funniness that ultimately puts this pilot into an elite echelon of putrid shit…. So let’s just do that.

Oftentimes comedies take a while to develop, it takes a while to smooth out a character around the edges and figure out what works and what doesn’t in their world to make it funny and enjoyable. The most recent, and obvious, example of this is Parks and Recreation as it went from pretty bad to the best comedy on television. Even other great shows like 30 Rock and The Office are contextually hard to recognize in their first season compared to where they ended up. But with that being said, there’s no sugar coating a comedy of this ilk. Although Dads technically has no place to go but up, it’s easy to imagine that what got thrown out there in the pilot was what they wanted it to be.

The show stars Seth Green (Eli) and Giovanni Ribisi (Walden) as a couple of friends/video game moguls who seemingly have their lives figured out and are generally happy with the exception of each their Dad’s, Peter Riegert as Green’s father and Martin Mull as Ribisi’s, who are forced to live with their sons because of economic hardships. What they aren’t forced to do, however; is act like a couple a misogynistic, xenophobes who are leeches to both their sons and society as a whole which is what this show unfortunately leans upon for laughs.

What makes this show truly awful is how lazy the whole thing felt. In terms of jokes, the writers must have essentially made a checklist of one-liners to zing out every minority group they can think of and exploit stereotypes associated with them all. At one point Ribisi’s character is playing video games and his father enters the room to ask him “whatcha playing? Punch the Puerto Rican?” Zero set-up, zero payoff. We’re not even sure he’s playing a fighting game.  The only joke that was purely a stand-alone, original one was based off the fact that neither of the father’s would want to pick-up the check. The writers must have thought this “gem” was so hilarious that it deserved not only Eli and Walden discussing techniques both of their fathers have used in the past to get out of paying for a check, but also a visual component to accompany it as we witness said practices play out when the Dads are at a diner. Apparently this diner doesn’t allow for splitting a check?

But hey, maybe this show redeems itself by representing women well. Oh… it’s the exact opposite of positive portrayals of women? Well, can’t say that wasn’t expected. In the first scene we see Eli’s girlfriend she has just woken up after his father ruins the surprise of the birthday she was throwing for him. Eli tells her: “I hate surprise parties. You’re a terrible girlfriend.” Yup. This beautiful woman tries to do something nice for her schlubby boyfriend and instead of fighting back she just bows down to him because he is man and man is right. This scene was only to be topped later on when Eli and Walden insist that Brenda Song’s character who works for them, put on a Sailor Moon type schoolgirl uniform to impress their potential Asian clients. Able to check off a couple of boxes there, huh guys?

Hopefully this won’t fall into the mold of Two and a Half Men where American viewers simply watch because it seems familiar to them and they don’t have to put any thought into the idiotic humor that ensues. Of course we’ll probably get 29 seasons where by the end Green and Ribisi are now the obnoxious, racist fathers who are forced to live with their kids after their Dad’s sucked them dry. Come on FOX, what are you doing here?

Other moments of note:

• In a show where many things are “off” the theme song seemed particulary out of place. I was waiting for it to shift into goofy shenanigans or something along those lines but it stays steady as a sweet song about sons and fathers. Whatever.
• Sad to see Dan Castellaneta (voice of Homer Simpson) attached to this in any way, and in the opening scene no less as Green tells him to act more wizard-like. He must have been doing a favor for someone.
• Not one, but two cancer jokes.  Riegert has a “say yes to breast cancer” bag that he got cheap because of the typo and we find out he faked Green’s character had cancer as a kid in order for him to get a free lunch with Goofy.
• I think what bothers me most is that Seth Green’s character has an upstairs but he puts his bed right off of the living room. So impractical.

What did everyone else think? Comments are always welcome.