Cougar Town: ‘Like a Diamond’

As an unabashed Friends fan, these cameos of Courtney Cox’s former cast mates put the nostalgia part of my brain into overdrive. ‘Like a Diamond’ was no different as Matthew Perry becomes the fourth member of the old gang to appear on the show. Although my bias wooed me over to smile at every interaction Perry and Cox were having, the rest of the episode around it wasn’t one of the best we’ve seen out of the Cul-de-sac Crew.

Don’t get me wrong, consider it’s in the fifth season Cougar Town is still churning out fantastic jokes for the characters that they haven’t had to alter much since season one. However, I feel like we’ve seen variations of these stories over and over again. I mean there are only so many ways you put a twist on an Ellie/Laurie fight where they both eventually come out of it respecting the other a little bit more. Not to mention the countless times we’ve seen the child-like wonder and hope of Bobby questioned by another member of the group, only to see a “miracle” come through at the end which lead them all to believe “hey maybe I should chill out and be a little more like Bobby.”

But since these are only qualms with the storytelling aspect of the show I’m not too worried. What I would like to see going forward is more experimental episodes in the vein of what Community does. Considering the characters are so well established I think an episode or two like that would help shake things up for the better and I’m willing to bet the cast and writing staff would be game for something like a spoof of American Hustle.

In terms of this particular episode, I’m glad they didn’t go too meta with the Sam/Jules, Chandler/Monica dynamic, but it was really fun to see the two actors interacting on screen again (not counting Courtney Cox guesting on Go On last year). Also, I still say Matthew Perry is the best television actor for delivering a sarcastic line: “I’ve been sitting here for about four hours. You don’t work much do you?”

Other moments of note:

• The opening credits tag this week was “Cougar Town: Now with more Friends”
• I’m always a fan of doppelganger stories, especially if it involves Busy Phillips doing a weird Southern accent and saying things like “Bite me, little eyes.”
• “I like wine. Oh, and I also sell real estate.” - Jules
• Laurie was born and conceived in a Jacuzzi and has been medically dead four times.
• “I’m in really good shape!” -Grayson … “Okay, I’ll try to spread the word.” - Sam
• “Grayson, Monica.” – Perry addressing Grayson and Jules in an outtake. 

New Girl: ‘Basketsball’

After last week’s flash-back, character development heavy episode, I’m glad that New Girl came back with a very sitcom-y half hour filled with a bunch of silly premises and one liners that make this show so much fun to watch.

The main story revolved around Jess trying to get Coach(*) to start viewing her as his friend as opposed to his “buddies girlfriend.” The interactions with Jess and Coach were fun for a while but, like most New Girl plots, Nick came out of this one with the most to do. As a Bulls fan I’m sure I got an above average amount of glee from hearing him describe Coach’s Piston fandom compared to the Bulls: “His teams the Pistons. I mean they were great in the 80’s, but then we got Jordan. Then they started getting good, then we Thibodeau, whatcha’ you going do now?”

 (*) As far as I’m aware of, Damon Wayans Jr. has still only signed on as a guest star for the rest of season, but I’m not sure why the show would go to trouble of making it seem like Coach was in this for the long haul if he is just going to be gone in a few episodes anyway.

Eventually the story becomes primarily about how Jess and Nick become locked in a battle for who will turn the “sex tap” back on first which would have been a fine story on its own and I’m not sure exactly why it became shoehorned into this one. But all’s well that ends well as Coach and Jess become best buds and hopefully this leads to more Coach-centric stories going forward.

Over on the Schmidt side of things, he’s tasked with having two people shadow him for a day on the job, one being Winston and the other is Ed, an elderly gentleman the company hired to avoid an ageism lawsuit. I liked seeing Schmidt, Winston, and Nick (albeit unknowingly) teaming up to best Ed, but I’ve yet to see a story involving Schmidt’s office that I’ve liked so far. The biggest revelation here is that Cece convinces Winston he should be a cop, making it two straight weeks where she has settled someone’s career path.

Other moments of note:

• Does Schmidt still live in the other apartment? I think he does and I feel like the show is missing out on an opportunity to do some kind of “apartment wars” bit. Although, it’s possible he may have moved into Jess’ room since her and Nick are an item now.
• Chalk up another great Jake Johnson facial expression, this time it was the look of disgust on his face from seeing Jess in a Pistons t-shirt.
• “Michael Jordan is the first person who taught me I can love another man.” - Nick
• “There is too much going on in whatever metaphor you’re trying.” – Cece trying to decipher Schmidt’s ramblings.
• “Once your screen breaks, your information is all out there in the Twitterverse.” – Nick
•  “I’ve never seen a baby pigeon before.” Me neither Coach, me neither.

How I Met Your Mother: ‘Slapsgiving 3: Slappapointment in Slapmarra’

Picture of Segel regretting signing on for a ninth season.

There were more than a few slaps going around in ‘Slapsgiving 3: Slappapointment in Slapmarra.’ Unfortunately, though, several of them were inflicted on myself as the front of my hand kept finding itself raising up towards my eyes and covering them in a facepalm-esque manner. This was a truly painful episode to watch, from a complete lack of plot and character usage to utter lack of execution of a gag that once had so much promise.

As far as the latter goes, I’m really disappointed by the way the writers have gone about Marshall giving the slaps ever since the third one. What made the first slap so great was this ridiculous premise of making a bet that kept escalating until it ended with Barney taking his first slap of five that could be dealt out any place, at any time. My personal favorite was the second slap because it was so unexpected, and deserving, and set the table for what I thought the future slaps will be like.

After the first “Slapsgiving” the gag started seeing diminishing returns, especially since they tried to make every one a spectacle and base an entire episode around it. As cool as it was to see Boyz II Men perform a cover of ‘You Just Got Slapped’ I thought the whole buildup was far too childish to be funny and I wish they had stuck to the original premise where Marshall would catch Barney, and the viewer, off guard. Maybe they can salvage the final slap by making it be a flash-forward where Marshall has built an elaborate “slap room” with his hand prints painted on the wall. With lights flickering Barney wakes up not knowing where he is, shaking and traumatized. Finally, Marshall appears behind him, slowly creeping up to him as the light bounces from his face to Barney’s. He raises up and one final the slap of justice comes down upon Barney’s face. Or, ya know, something like that.

But seriously, last season I would always post in my “other moments of note” section that “at least Barney didn’t have a dog as his wingman,” a point I considered an all-time low for the series. While parts of this episode, like a tree slapping Marshall, came close to this, it was able to avoid the complete stinker label. Hopefully, although I highly doubt it, this will be the last awful episode of the season.

Other moments of note:

• Was it just me or is Jason Segel looking really skinny?
• When was the last time we saw Carl the bartender? I feel like it’s been a while.
• At least Barney didn’t have a dog as his wingman. 

2014 Golden Globes Live Blog

Once again Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting the award show with the globes that are golden, ensuring that NBC will get at least a few more viewers who appreciate good comedy will watch. As always, the nominees for most of the larger categories are ridiculous (I’m looking at you Liev Schreiber for Ray Donovan) but hopefully at least a few deserving nominees will come away with the award. And if they don’t? Well I’ll just rant about it here.

The monologue begins with a greeting of “good evening to all the women and gay men watching at home.” I’ll try to hit on some of the best jokes. Tam Hunks is here as Amy apparently knew she was going to mess up on that difficult name to remember and pronounce. Tina speaking to Matt Damon: “Matt on every other night, in any other room, you would be a big deal, but tonight you’re just a garbage person.” ‘Explosion at the Wig Factory’ was the original title for American Hustle. Amy Poehler asks the cameras to get a shot of Amy Poehler and they cut to Jennifer Lawrence who has a good laugh about it. Tina describes Gravity as: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then send one more moment with a woman his own age.” Poehler should make impersonating Scarlett Johansson her job as she tries to convince Tina that she was the voice of the computer in Her. Tom Hanks is still wearing his prosthetic genitals he got from Saving Mr. Banks.

Sandra Bullock and Tam Hunks present the first award of the evening for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture. In what comes as little surprise, Jennifer Lawrence comes away with the award for American Hustle and immediately thanks director David O. Russell for making her career what it is. As always she comes across as sweet and humble and yadda, yadda, yadda we all love her.

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis present the second award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television and Jacqueline Bisset for Dancing on the Edge. She appears to be genuinely shocked, possibly drunk, as she accept the award. The music does its best to play her off but she Jacqueline isn’t having it. After a bit of swearing she finally gets around to thanking her friends and family. Unfortunately she probably just cost Tina and Amy a couple of jokes to fit the time constraint but wow that was something to watch. 

Next up in the “no surprise whatsoever category” is Behind the Candelabra winning for Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Yay? Getting another of the mini-series awards out of the way, Elizabeth Moss wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television for Top of the Lake. I haven’t seen TOL yet but I’m just going to go ahead and view this as a win for Peggy.

Fey and Poehler are back out and thanking the Associated Press for putting the whole event together, along with a bunch of ridiculously hard to pronounce names from the Foreign Press. Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie are out to introduce The Wolf of Wall Street but they’re accidentally given the wrong teleprompter lines, Margot adorably doesn’t want to improvise so someone is nice enough to bring out a paper with the right words on it. Aaron Eckhart and Paula Patton (wearing a comforter?) are out to give the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Drama. The award appropriately goes to Bryan Cranston for Breaking Bad. Heisenberg getting his damn recognition! Get back on up there Cranston, Breaking Bad wins for Best Television Drama and all remains right in the world. Actually, I can’t complain about any of the award selections so far.

Philomena is a real person? Did not know that. Kate Beckinsdale, P-Diddy and Usher are out to present Best Original Score for a Motion Picture with the winner being Alex Ebert and his hair for All is Lost. Haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m happy for Roger’s son. Best Original Song for a Motion Picture goes to ‘Ordinary Love’ for Mandela. Great, all Bono needs is something else to pump up his ego…

Amber Heard and the interchangeable Chicago Fire hunks are out to present Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Jon Voight unfortunately comes away with the award for Ray Donovan. Not a fan of Voight and very much not a fan of Donovan but hey they can’t get all the awards right…oh wait they can? Well, that’s a bummer. Robert Downey Jr. arrives to join the fun and he announces that no matter what name he calls from this envelope, he’ll leave tonight as a winner. Amy Adams very deservingly wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy for American Hustle. Such a fantastic movie and role, glad Amy got her due and that her daughter was able to teach her basic human emotions.

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick the Entertainer are the next presenters. Does Kevin Bacon have to do a six degrees joke every time he’s out in public now? Their daughter Sophie Bacon joins them and Tina Fey has brought her adult son Randy along too. Randy, played by Poehler, hilariously asks if Idris Elba is his real Dad. Robin Wright wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama for House of Cards. She calls the Foreign Press a gaggle of characters and references Merrit Weaver’s great speech before heading off stage. Jim Carrey comes out and gives Shia LaBeouf a jab by making a plagiarism joke. After a clip of American Hustle Christoph Waltz is out to present the Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture and it goes to Jared Leto for his very transformative role in Dallas Buyers Club. If it’s body changing that is swaying the voters this year then that bodes well for Christian Bale and Matthew McConaghey.

Emma Thompson, who can probably do no wrong, comes out holding her heels and a glass of wine to present the award for Best Screenplay. Spike Jonze wins for Her; I want to see this movie so very bad. Julie Bowen and Seth Myers are out to present the award for Best Actor in a Comedy Series with the award going to Andy Samberg. I’m genuinely shocked but really happy Brooklyn Nine-Nine is getting some recognition. Hopefully this will all but assuredly lock the show into getting picked up for a second season.

Right out of commercial we get the winner for Best Foreign Language Film and The Great Beauty wins. The director pretty much does part two of the bit where Tina and my start listing off a bunch of insanely difficult names to pronounce. Poehler and Fey come back out to point out that Julia Louise Dreyfus has returned to the television section, now eating a hot dog. Melissa McCarthy and Jimmy Fallon are the next presenters, unfortunately a sandbag fell on Melissa’s head and she now thinks she’s Matt Damon. Michael Douglass wins Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series for Television or Something Like That for Behind the Candelabra. Congrats Douglass, but we don’t need the “cool guy pointing out hi other cool guy buddies” thing in your acceptance speech. You’re not a middle-schooler who just won for class treasurer.  


The award for Best Animated Feature Film and Frozen takes home the glory. Emilia Clarke and Chris O’Donnell are presenting the award for Best Actress in a Comedy and finally, FINALLY!, Amy Poehler wins for Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation. So long overdue, so happy for her. Hopefully the Emmys learn something from this and recognize her performance this year as well.

Emma Stone, who will be in Woody Allen’s next film, comes out to introduce the clips from Woody Allen’s 74 movies. Diane Keaton appropriately takes the stage to accept the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award for Woody. She gives a great Woody quote about how art can only truly measured by how impactful it is in the moment. Verging on the edge of creepy territory she sings a song about how she and Woody are friends forever, but she clearly had good intentions and did well by Allen.

Ben Affleck, last year’s winner for Best Director, is out to present the award to Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity.  It’s tough to argue this one as the directing had to be spot on for such an image-driven film. Gravity wasn’t the best movie of the year but Cuaron deserves the win for putting the spectacle together. Also, thanks to Sandra Bullock for not quitting the film after he threatened to give her herpes. "Michael Bay described our next presenters as... oh, um, sorry, can't do this." -Tina Fey. Chris Evans and Uma Thurman are next out of the gate, Best Comedy Series goes to Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Wow did anyone see this coming? If this doesn’t guarantee a second season I don’t know what will.

Two-time Golden Globe winner Jennifer Lawrence get to present the award for Best Actor in a Comedy and it goes to Leonardo DiCaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street. He pokes fun at the fact that he, and other very serious actors, are nominated in the “comedy” category because let’s face it, the Globes do it just so they can get more people to come to their little party. In related news, Leo still doesn’t have that Oscar.

Chris Hemsworth and some old racing dude (Nicky Lauda) take the stage to present a clip of Rush. Following them, Drew Barrymore comes out in her finest Easter dress to present the award for Best “Comedy” or Musical Motion Picture. The Golden Globe goes to American Hustle. I spoke earlier when Adams won for best supporting actress but this movie was easily my favorite of the year and it was certainly worthy of the win.

With 16 minutes remaining before 11:00, it’s looking like we’re going to be over on time. Leonardo returns to the stage to give Cate Blanchett the award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama for her role in Blue Jasmine. Cate thought the Magic Castle was weird compared to this, good thing she didn’t let Tobias Funke take her there. Jessica Chastain gets to give out the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Drama Series and McConaughey is going home a winner. Those Foreign Press guys love their weight-loss AIDS movies. Always fun to hear McConaughey do a Matthew McConaughey impersonation. And apparently he does a Borat “my wife” impression too.

The final award for the night is of course Best Motion Picture – Drama. Johnny Depp gets the honors to deliver the coveted award that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll win Best Picture at the Academy Awards but is usually a pretty good indicator. In a tone that suggests he’d rather be watching a documentary about how paper plates are made, Depp announces the winner is 12 Years a Slave, which would also be my choice and prediction for The Oscars. It’s got everything you’d expect out of a “best picture” and it was brilliant to watch s no complaints here.

All-in-all I thought it was a much better than average Golden Globes. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler crushed it in the monologue and probably the biggest qualm I can gather is that there wasn’t more of them throughout the show. As far as the awards themselves go there were certainly a few that weren’t perfect but hey, at least Liev didn’t win for playing Ray. They finished on time and with the end of the show comes the end of my live-blog, thanks for reading it everyone! 

Community: ‘Basic Intergluteal Numismatics’

I think it’s fair to officially proclaim the return of Community. Sure it may never be back to its glory days of early seasons, but for a comedy that is five years in, episodes like ‘Basic Inergluteal Numismatics’ don’t deviate far from the mean.

It didn’t take long into return of Harmon for him to dip into his bread and butter of homages. The high concept episodes work so well in this world, and with this cast, that even something like a very serious investigation of a murder can be flipped into something goofy like the Ass Crack Bandit. The closest one movie/show I can relate this episode to would be Zodiac, especially based off the ending, but it definitely had the feel of drawing from multiple similar sources.

I thought this episode was an especially good showcase for Jim Rash as Dean Pelton. The bit where he kept snapping his fingers at his secretary to “trace the call” while she just stood there staring at him was brilliant. His desperate solution to figure out the murderer: “Abed you’re special, can’t you just stand at the scene of the crime and see what happened?” Also, his interactions with Hickey made for a great dynamic, first when he asked him if he had anything and Hickey simply replies “heartburn”; and then when he tests out his creepy plan of having Chang wear a backwards ass costume and justifies it by saying the butt was free Hickey chimes in with: “I think you just admitted you already owned a fake butt.”

If the last two episodes are any indication it looks like season five will have much more focus on some of the teachers at Greendale. John Oliver made his triumphant, and long overdue, return as Professor Duncan and the fantastic Ben Folds guest starred as the Biology teacher trying to hide his marijuana plant. Not to mention that Jonathan Banks is seemingly sliding into the Chevy Chase role now that Pierce has officially been killed off. As far as that goes, it was obviously an ugly divorce between Chase and the show but at least they were able to work something out so he could appear in the first episode of this season and gave his character a somewhat dignified standoff.

Other moments of note:

• The “Ass Crack Bandit” made it a week of bandits on sitcoms this week since Andy Samberg was dealing with the Porsche Bandit played by Craig Robinson over on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
• “He should be called the run-on sentence bandit.” – Shirley after hearing the Bandit’s note.
• “I am the bringer of change. I am the filler of cracks.” – ACB
• Starburns lives! After his good friend Dan Harmon was fired from the show, Dino Stamatopoulos decided that they were a packaged deal and wouldn’t come back without. He’s such a weird character though and of course he has been living in the stables trying to build a cat car. Welcome back Starbu- I mean Alex.
• Speaking of Starburns, the Dean keeping him locked up in an actual cage in the middle of his “we caught the Ass Crack Bandit dance” was probably my favorite part of the episode.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: ‘Pontiac Bandit’

It’s been a very strong freshman season for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. At its core, it’s a workplace comedy which we’ve seen hundreds of times over, but the fact that it takes place in the police world brings so many fresh flavors. Any “serious” plot from a crime show or cop procedural that have taken place countless times over the years can be flipped into the whacky world where The Nine-Nine chase around crazy characters and it fits.

For instance, what may have been an arc about a cop who has been trying to find a criminal that they have been chasing for years, turns into a fun story about how Jake Peralta can never locate this allusive Pontiac Bandit he’s been searching for. In addition to the promising plot, Craig Robinson guest stars as said bandit and is immediately a welcome addition to the cast. Every scene he was in, he played off really well with Andy Samberg and Stephanie Beatriz and, thankfully, the writers wisely leave the door open for a return(s) from Doug Judy. Another great part of the story was the pairing of Peralta and Rosa and we got a sense of their backstory with the “1000 pushups” guarantee.

Back at the station, the rest of the ensemble was interwoven amongst two very enjoyable B and C stories. The catalyst was how the gang slowly began to turn on Boyle after he returned from his injury of being shot in the buttocks, the best gag coming out of it being when Terry was forced to literally pick him up and shake him so he Boyle could use the urinal. I also continue to find Gina’s sense of the world charming as she leaves a “Gone Leavin” sign on her desk; she’s essentially what the offspring of Tom Haverford and April Ludgate would be.

Andre Braugher continues to show that deadpan humor can be the funniest. Anything involving him trying to get others at the station to adopt the puppies was gold. And after finding out Gina was live-tweeting (an act he no longer approves of since Downton Abbey was spoiled for him) the unit hiding from Boyle, it was nice, albeit predictable, moment when he decided the puppies would be best for Boyle. An all-around strong episode and hopefully the show will close out its first season with more to come like this.

Other moments of note:

• “He’s stolen 230 that I know of. The real number could be in the millions.”…. “Do you need a math tutor? Because the department will provide one for you.” I will never grow tired of The Captain’s deadpan delivery in response to Peralta.
• “Why stop there? Why not tell her you’re an astronaut?” – Rosa … “Because space is scary!” – Doug Judy
• “This is my personal assistant, Mangy Carl.” – Doug telling his Mom who Peralta was to him.
• Doug Judy helps down on their luck white people.
• “What about choppas? You got choppas?” – Doug. Damn Robinson was on fire this episode.
• “Please get out of my way, I’m physically disabled.”  Robot voice on Boyle’s scooter

New Girl: ‘Clavado En Un Bar’

In its first episode back from the midseason break, New Girl delivered in a flash-back heavy episode which hit a perfect balance of laughs and sweetness. The premise is a simple one that almost every person deals with at some point in their life, at least several times: what do I want to be?

The specific dilemma put forth in front of Jess is to either remain a teacher, her dream job, for a vastly underfunded school, or to take a job at the Children’s Museum which would not only pay more but bring less stress to her life. Luckily for Jess Day, and us, she has several people in her life willing to chime in with their own suggestions and give her some insight into when they dealt with a similar scenario.

With a mere nineteen minutes before her friend calls to ask for a decision, Winston is first to explain the decision making process, or what turns out to be a lack-there-of in his case. After being gifted a basketball from birth, Winston’s whole life was centered on developing his basketball career. Clearly this was never the right path for him as he is the ninth man off the bench for the eighth best team in Latvia before getting traded to the outdoor, inclined league. This definitely gives us some insight as to why Winston is crazy person since he’s never actually made a real decision of his own.

Schmidt takes a stab at some advice next, and we find out his rise to douchiness started when he was a simple volunteer candy striper. The story is very Barney Stinson-esque since he sees a successful guy in a suit get the girl, thrusting him into the cutthroat world of marketing. His first stop is to the Christmas tree farm (cue ‘Gangsta Paradise’) where he meets his mentor Old Man McQue. McQue, unfortunately wasn’t in Schmidt’s life for long: “in the words of the late, great Sir Billy Joel: only the good die young.” But before he goes he does impart the wisdom of that “the reward is in the destination, not in the journey.” So Schmidt’s advice to Jess is to follow the money.

Coach is able to chime in with a quick tip of his own, to follow your passion. We find out how he first got his nickname of “Coach” and that his real name is Ernie.

The Nick story was a little more personal and did a great job of building the Nick/Jess relationship. Nick reveals how much he disliked law school until he found a great place to study, the very bar they find him tending today. Eventually he shows Jess that he actually ended passing the bar but he could tell that he would enjoy his life a lot more if he followed his true calling. On top of that, Cece recaps to Jess to Jess the first time they met and how Jess was able to “teach” her how to read even without her glasses. It was a great showcase for the girls who haven’t had much screen time together this season and it’s enough of persuasion to push Jess into making the decision to remain a teacher.

Not only a great premiere but also sets up some storied for the rest of the season. This gives Cece an opportunity to interact with Nick which has really yet to happen, assuming she ends up sticking around as a fellow bartender. Also, Winston decides to quit his job and to finally start making some decisions of his own, maybe we‘ll start getting some real Winston plotlines for once.

Other moments of note:

• Brian Posehn guest staring as the science teacher who has to share his classroom with Jess was hilarious. I could listen to awkwardly list anything, especially all the different types of people who are “anti-future”.
• “Sick people wanted me, dying people wanted to be me.” – Schmidt describing his time as a Candy Striper.
• “We had an ethnic, gay bully.” – Jess
• “We’re not the only ones looking for him. So is the FBI.” – Schmidt reading the information of Jess’ first student.
• “Lady she’s still got one minute!” – Coach accidentally yelling at a butt-dial from Jess’ Mom. Probably my favorite Coach line so far.
•  “I call it tea water.” – Nick on his concoction of putting a tea bag in water.